today i have to not rest at all until at least 5pm to prove to myself that i can get through my shift tomorrow. i’m feeling pretty weary. i realised this morning that i don’t really have anything to wear to work, my teacher stuff is too dressy and impractical and my comfy stuff is all a bit ancient and daggy. I dredged my mind to remember whats the best sort of thing to wear for child care and headed off shopping. the key is comfy and stretchy (lots of bending and lifting) so i ended up buying a couple pairs of shorts that were intended for the gym. I’ll look like i’m off jogging but oh well. i didn’t buy any tops because if i get the job i will have to wear the uniform shirt.
i realised something else today, and it’s about a favourite mantra of mine “expect the best but prepare for the worst” which i have stitched into my mind to help me juggle this life of being sick. what i realised today is that i have been so busy preparing myself (methodically, practically and emotionally) for if i don’t cope with my new workload, that i forgot to expect the best. it suddenly occurred to me that maybe i will love this job? enjoy the hours? juggle it all beautifully and thrive? which cheered me up a bit.
(fyi, my most well used mantra is “this too shall pass” and i can be found muttering it inwardly or outwardly on any given day lately. i also have other sayings that i think of often though i don’t necessary use them as a mantra to transform my thinking, these are “a step backwards is progress” which reminds me to simplify rather than complicate my life with thoughts actions and things. “everything happens for a reason” which i really do believe and “find the positives” which can be tricky sometimes;)
the positives about my new job are:
- i’ll get a pretty good wage
- the uniform is purple
umm yeah, it’s a work in progress.
I am still preparing for the worst and have lists coming out of my lists. my whole week is planned out on paper step-by-step lest my little brain doth fail. the fridge is full of home baked goodness and the pantry with quick-grab snacks. I spent this morning chopping vegies and filling freezer bags with interesting assortments for when i can’t think how to make dinner. i’m on top of my assignments and the house is (relatively) clean. i’m prepared to push and i’m prepared to crash.
